From Attraction to Repulsion in Relationships
Have you ever been madly in love? So much in love that sleep, food, and everything else but your crush did not matter at all?
From a Human Design perspective, I am betting that you met a person who completed one or more of the defined gates in your chart, so together you form an electromagnetic channel in your relationship chart. Sparks will fly high.
The Attraction side
When we are with people who have opposite gates from our defined gates, we feel whole! We feel complete! And is not that a great feeling? This can make us see the other person as something shiny and bright. A rare diamond. This is attraction at its finest.
But the thing is that we are whole to start with, even if we have hanging gates, which is a defined gate without belonging to a defined channel in your chart. Pay attention to the word “feel” because that is what it is; we are already whole with no need of having others to complete us. But meeting someone who completes a channel when we are in each other’s energy makes us feel whole and complete.
The energy we tap into in others is not our energy. But we will feel that it is, and it feels like we are finally coming home to ourselves.
And while the frequencies fly high and we hear nothing but serenades, we enter a relationship while we tell our friends and families that “I have finally met someone with whom I feel at home!”
The Repulsion side
I guess the attraction side of this crush is pretty obvious.
But what happens when the energy starts to fade out in your new relationship, which in the beginning was nothing but sweet harmonies and sunsets every day?
If the other person uses the energy in the defined gate that you are tapping into, in a way that you consider to be a wrongful use, your attraction can fade out and transform into repulsion instead.
When your crush plays out the gate in their chart in a way that you detest, you will not appreciate the way this feels inside of you. This is not how you wanted to express the gate you felt you were missing. Repulsion can be the consequence.
Let me give you an example:
Say that you have the gate 25, the gate of innocence, in your chart. You are facing life in a bit of a naive way, and you are curious and ask questions to get clarity. Then you fall in love with a handsome person who has gate 51, the gate of shock. Boom, the electromagnetic field around you makes you see nothing but stars and butterflies while the violins are playing romantic songs, and the two gates together form a channel. Attraction at its best!
Together, you form the channel of Initiation, which is a very powerful channel. You have the ability to transform both yourself and others through shock. It is not a matter of being best, but being first. Even if others look upon you as a competitor, you are only competing with yourself. Others will see you as a powerful couple that does not need help from others, because you obviously got it together, whatever you have going on. This might not be true to you, but again, this is what shows to others.
But when the music fades and the butterflies move on, your romantic filter slowly dissolves, and reality comes knocking at your door. The partner you once admired so deeply is playing out the gate 51 in ways you disagree with. What you once were attracted to are now starting to repel you instead.
When you want to live your life in an innocent way and your partner creates shocks by either being or doing something that goes against your values, reality will be knocking on your door.
How can you tap into your partner’s gates without being repelled?
There are many examples of situations when it is great to borrow energy from others.
You can borrow gate 42, the gate of completion, to complete your gate 53, the gate of beginnings, to finish your project in the garden that you started weeks ago with great intentions, but somehow can not seem to finish.
You can borrow gate 45, the gate of the gatherer, to complete your gate 21, the gate of the hunter, to monetize your latest business idea, which you know is great, but you can not get your head around how you will be able to pay your bills from it.
And sometimes we borrow a defined center that we do not have ourselves.
Personally, I tapped into my daughter’s defined sacral center last week, and oh my did I get things done! The high of having a huge drive to work, work, work was also a blast from the past when I constantly borrowed the sacral energy from my co-workers without releasing it after work. One of the ingredients in my burnout, but that is a completely different story.
The key to success with your relationship when you form electromagnetic channels is to use them to the best. Know from the start that you are whole and complete as you are. Let your partner play out their role while you do yours. Be aware of what channels you form together and take the best from them.
And also recognize when you go into your not-self, which can be an indicator as well in your relationship, that something is off.
Could it be that you, as a Projector, are bitter because of what your partner did or said? Or that you, as a Manifestor, are angry because you were in a creative flow and your partner interrupted it by wanting you to complete your unfinished work in the kitchen instead?
No matter what kind of relationship you have with your partner, we all know that it takes effort to make it work.
As always, experiment with your relationship chart and use it as a conversation starter with your partner when you are having dinner or going hiking.
If it does not resonate with you, let it go.
